Only For English Speaking People

[Бегущая по волнам 0]

Dear friends!

Yesterday I thought that I have never discussed sex problems and the matter of relations between men and women in English. Why not? So, if you have something interesting to discuss here, you are welcome. Please place here your stories, poems, jokes and so on.

One condition: no word in Russian, only English.

[Medved 0]

Please place here your ... jokes

At the airport

- Name?

- Adu Dalah Serafi

- Sex?

- Four times a week.

- No, no, no... male or female?

- Male, female... sometimes camel...

[SLiM-T 0]

a mo|||no pe4atatb na translite? ya anglickii ploxo znau, a discusirivat' hocca...

in ICQ:

- Hi, do you wanna chat with me?

- Sorry, i'm busy

- Hi Busy, My name is Abraham! =))

[Бегущая по волнам 0]

a mo|||no pe4atatb na translite? ya anglickii ploxo znau, a discusirivat' hocca...

Not at all! Otherwise you could get WARN from forum administration.

You`d better study English. And you can practise here.

[dino 5]

Dear Бегущая по волнам. Although i can speak english frequently , i'm too tired , of getting ready for tests by english in institute ,for what to speak english even on our dear and respected forum.But i think it is rather good training for developing our skills in pickuping foreigners , beacause to a great disappointment i don't no any good jokes in english

[Amour de trois 0]

to a great disappointment i don't no any good jokes in english

You don't really need to know English jokes. You can always translate Russian ones, for they would look original. Just make sure they would be understandable to a person from another country.

[Miklosh 0]

So fellas wut r we gonna do in here discuss some problems or tell jokes in English? If it's all 'bout jokes lemme tell few too.Here it goes:

O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"

p.s. a pretty stupid one I agree, but americans r well known for their stupid jokes, yah, so u cld try to use it talkin' to an american girl(not of an Irish descent surely).

As far as I know, there'r lotta jokes 'bout Irish ppl in the US.

[Demoversia 0]

Really, there is no need to write the same topics on english. I don’t understand the POINT of it! Can you clear it for us?

[dino 5]

"Just make sure they would be understandable to a person from another country."

some russian jokes are not understandable for foreigners. that is the problem.

it a place where will be discussed not only jokes but also some problems.

p.s. simply when i tried to "pickup" one spanishgirl it was difficul for me tell some jokes and to answer fast.

[Miklosh 0]

Ja, guess so, Russian language has kinda bunch of non-understable jokes as well as every language has.

Well, spaniards cld be a trouble but as usually they're pretty joyful ppl so tell lots of jokes themselves, if they're fluent in English of course.

[Stepan_nsk 1]

Please place here your ... jokes

At the airport

- Name?

- Adu Dalah Serafi

- Sex?

- Four times a week.

- No, no, no... male or female?

- Male, female... sometimes camel...

Sex in English still sex. Topic sux.

[mujik 0]

Damn girl what type of bullshit are you on?!!!tryna front or what???

that is dumb as hell!!!

anyway if you want to discuss things in english and shit, then why dont ya go to any english-speaking forum!!!

you, know i am kinda tired of all of these univercity chiks trina look smart or whatsoever and speak english every fuckin where!!!! finding themselves friends worldwide and shit!!! it is damn internet, why the fuck do you need to go to a russian-speaking site, with the majority of males (who usually dont appreciate such type of things) and create such a dumb-ass topic!!!! i just dont get the point!!!!!

didnt mean to harm anybodys feelings

[Бегущая по волнам 0]

Really, there is no need to write the same topics on english. I don’t understand the POINT of it! Can you clear it for us?

I`m interesting HOW people talk about sex in English. First of all those ppl who live abroad. I hope to attract foreigners and learn something new from them.

Unfortunately, I speak only business English. And I`m short of informal English.

[mujik 0]

-those russians dont only have a different mindset, they are made different!

-really?

-yeah!i have heard it myself. one russian guy told the other:

"Odyen naxui shapku - ushi zamyorznut!"

Really, there is no need to write the same topics on english. I don’t understand the POINT of it! Can you clear it for us?

I`m interesting HOW people talk about sex in English. First of all those ppl who live abroad. I hope to attract foreigners and learn something new from them.

well its the same penis and vagina shit - is that what inereseted you???

[Бегущая по волнам 0]

Damn girl what type of bullshit are you on?!!!tryna front or what???

that is dumb as hell!!!

anyway if you want to discuss things in english and shit, then why dont ya go to any english-speaking forum!!!

Calm down! It is just a topic, not more... Why are you so angree?

Of cause, I will go to another forum if nobody support me here, do not worry. And you also could leave this topic and never visit it in future.

[Miklosh 0]

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."

Bartender:"What is a B and C?".

Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."

Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."

Bartender: "What's a G and T?"

Redhead: "Gin and tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."

Bartender: "What's a 15?"

Blonde: "7 and 7"

Damn girl what type of bullshit are you on?!!!tryna front or what???

that is dumb as hell!!!

anyway if you want to discuss things in english and shit, then why dont ya go to any english-speaking forum!!!

you, know i am kinda tired of all of these univercity chiks trina look smart or whatsoever and speak english every fuckin where!!!! finding themselves friends worldwide and shit!!! it is damn internet, why the fuck do you need to go to a russian-speaking site, with the majority of males (who usually dont appreciate such type of things) and create such a dumb-ass topic!!!! i just dont get the point!!!!!

didnt mean to harm anybodys feelings

Hey, why does having an english speaking topic in here trouble ye and all, is it sorta prohibited or wut?

[kaiser 2]

Smth new for the forum. For example sometimes I like to send sms in English (only f0r girls). Some of them like it and try to anser in the same way, bit others disslike and anser smth like: it's better to speak Russian. N0t clever enough imho

[Бегущая по волнам 0]

well its the same penis and vagina shit - is that what inereseted you???

Penis and vagina shit - is that all what you are able to say about sex? What`s a pity!

There are thousands topics at this forum, but only "Penis and vagina shit" here in English!

[Бегущая по волнам 0]

So fellas wut r we gonna do in here discuss some problems or tell jokes in English?

Not only jokes, problems too.

For example, there are a lot of foreigners at Moscow night clubs. It is not a problem to meet somebody from them, but how to flirt?

[Olush von Vitingoff 2]

My friend from Canada advised just to be simple, cause the majority of foreigners don't understand that "No" offen means "Yes"

[Miklosh 0]

Not only jokes, problems too.

For example, there are a lot of foreigners at Moscow night clubs. It is not a problem to meet somebody from them, but how to flirt?

Well, normally as ya used to with Russian guys/girls, I guess.Don't think that Russians do differ from all others

[Medved 0]

[russianczar 2]

wow nice dictionary... whatever you guys said above, I didn't read it...

so we have a flame topic here, as I understand? O lets use word "fuck" a lot, since this is a sex-related topic so fuck it.

[Радужный 0]

yeah, fuck it!

>>>this is a reallife storry, from denmark today

A man drives with a taxi, and when the ride is over, he finds out that he forgot to bring money to pay the bill. He becomes desperate, that he can not pay the bill, and gives the taxidriver his mobile phone, so that the taxidriver can be sure that the he will come back with the 7 quid he needs to pay the bill. He walks a few houses away, pulls out a sewed off shotgun, and breaks into a house with 3 young guys. He then points the gun at one of them, and tells the 2 other guys to out and find him the 7 quid he needs in order to pay the bill. After a while, the 2 guys come back, and the man goes back an pays the taxidriver.

Now he is in risk of 10 years in jail... just for 7 quid.

[russianczar 2]

eh, what was the point of your story? Anyway, the dude is an idiot and 10 years won't be enough to fix it.

[ZakaryX 0]

Medved

Great!!! camels:)

Miklosh

good.

Hey, I wanna say thanks to author. Why are you so angry for such a beauty??

Rules

Данный подфорум предназначен для обсуждений всего на свете.

And I'd like to post this story...It is the best I have been read.

I advise to read it.

My Dog Named Sex

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."

[Medved 0]

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following

people are suddenly stranded by a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman

2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman

2 American men and 1 American woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on the same absolutely stunning deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, and another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a

restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees

make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; but how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't getting laid either.